Thursday, 6 December 2012

The scandal of The Mammoth Book of Lesbians

Today I had cause to complain to Amazon, not because of their tax avoision, though it's worth complaining about, but because of their cavalier attitude to soft porn.

Dear Amazon

A couple of weeks ago I bought a Kindle book, The Mammoth Book of Lesbian Stories, or something like that. It was an impulse purchase and I don't really remember the details much. Today I got a call from my business bank asking about suspicious transactions. It turns out the transaction for the Lesbian Book of Mammoths, or whatever it was, went through to my business account and now everybody who sees my bank statements, including my book keeper and my accountant, will know I'm interested in lesbian mammoths!

I really don't remember being given a choice of which card I bought the book on but, while I admit I could have made a mistake, I usually make a judgement of which card it goes against by the delivery address. Of course with the Kindle there is no delivery address.

After receiving the call from the fraud department I checked my Kindle and browsed to the Amazon page for the Book of Mammoth Lesbians to find out what date I bought it. A few minutes later I discovered some other book on my Kindle, about submissives or some such, that I most definitely did not order! I don't even remember seeing the page or the title of the book! (I haven't looked at this book so I have no idea if these submissives are small, huge, mammorth or gargantuan, although I'm sure they are very nice in general.)

What on earth is going on? You seem to think you can set up payment options without proper consultation and place them on whatever card you like the look of.

What do you propose to do about this book that I certainly did not choose to buy and how are you going to repair my reputation with my accountant and book keeper, both of whom are women?

And if you are wondering about me publishing this blog after being concerned about my accountant knowing about my interests in mammoths, I'll say this. For a start the Internet is a very impersonal space, whereas my accountant gets to look me in the eye and say, "pay up!" However, the significant point is that I write stories about three blokes who go away for the weekend, drink way too much strong drink, smoke pot until it comes out of their ears and perform candle lit ceremonies that some people would mistakenly describe as Satanism. How bad can my reputation get?

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